to see you again }{ lux

[LANA LOSCE]

This whole idea of school was so foreign to Antalya. She and Oksana had been homeschooled while with their parents, as Vadim and Dasha believed their husbands reserved the right to determine their education when they were finally married off. Rafferty had always wanted to keep her around, so she never had been enrolled at St. Vladimir’s Academy. Just before she turned sixteen she had been captured by the Death Eaters and held imprisoned by their Dark Lord. There had been no materials for learning. Too much time was spent being tortured daily, struggling to survive and escape the ritual that would strip her of her virginity, as well as her life.

It was upon her release that she decided to attend Hogwarts. All of the Death Eaters had always gone on of how safe Hogwarts was. Or at least how hard it was for them to get in. Then, as she traveled the country under various pseudonyms (Sinead Kearney, Isabeau “Bo” Marchand, Desiree “Rae” Darcell) and heard many stories of Hogwarts. When she found Aoife the woman agreed to step in as her mother to get her entrance. For the past week she took many tests to determine what year she should be placed into then she was Sorted into Slytherin house.

Classes would start tomorrow, something she was not looking forward to. She had never really been in this sort of environment before. It was surprising her knowledge was that of any other seventh year, considering she hadn’t actually spent much time learning things. But she had picked up things quickly. In the year she spent among Death Eaters she had picked up three different languages other than her native Russian: English, French, and Italian. And she had invented the spell that ensured her release from her prison. Maybe she would do well in this school place.

A young man her own age in the same House, Vaughn Guigen, volunteered to escort her to the Great Hall for the Welcoming Feast. He liked to stare at her, she found, and she did not like it. Vaughn also liked to listen to her speak. Her accent was strange, he told her. Some odd blend of different accents. As she was always from Russia, spent all of her time in captivity attempting to convince the Death Eaters they had the wrong person and instead a young French girl, then being surrounded by the many English accents had left her sounding strange. He seemed to like it, though she did not. Most people looked at her strangely for it. At least she had stopped lapsing into different languages during conversation as she had a tendency of doing the past week. The headmaster was very confused indeed when every sentence was spoken in Russian or French until she pulled her mind together enough to focus on English.

“We sit here!” Vaughn said cheerfully.

She sat beside him, trying to ignore the whispers of those around her as well as their curious eyes. She was the new girl, yes, but surely they had more interesting things to focus upon?

“Who are you?” asked a female on her other side.

“B…A…” she started. Trying to pass herself off as Isabeau Marchand for so long made that name the first to give, her given name the second, though she took a moment to clear her throat as well as her mind. She was not Talya here. “Svetlana Sardou…Losce,” she said. “You may call me Lana. I do not like my whole name.”

“Where are you from?”

“What year are you?”

“Why did you transfer?”

“Losce?”

The questions came from all around her. Tal…Well, Lana, frowned as she did her best to answer them all. Russia, seven year, her mother wanted a change, and yes, she said Losce. Maybe going by her married name was not the best of ideas, but it made her feel closer to Lux. Her friend, though, was not something she wished to think of right now. She had to remain strong, to get through this all.

People around her began to settle down when the headmaster stood to speak, though Lana was not so interested. Why did they have to eat all together this way? She would rather be by herself. Maybe read some. Sleep. Being around people was not fun to her, especially when they looked at her the way they did and spoke the way they did. As though she was some animal to look at or the dirt beneath their feet. Instead she fingered her long, dark brown hair, only looking at the headmaster when those around her shot her dirty looks for not paying attention. When he was done, they were instructed to tuck in. Seeing others begin to eat, she assumed that was what it meant and began to fill her plate. As hungry as she was, she only placed a little bit there, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

[LUX LOSCE]

Lux had never been so happy to return to Hogwarts.

She'd been coming to the school ever since she was eleven. Her father had pulled quite a few strings to get her in here, as there were several other wizarding schools far closer to her native Pogodin. But Rafferty believed that Hogwarts was the best school there was. He had graduated from Hogwarts, as had his two older children, Arya and Dow. Lux was not nearly so important as they were, but Rafferty had a habit of pushing his children to be the best, and it had hardly taken any begging on Lux's part. Though for her case, she had a feeling it was more to save Rafferty's pride than it was an investment in her future.

Nevertheless, here she was. Hogwarts was a bittersweet place for her. She did love learning, or so she thought. She'd never really given herself any other option, always throwing herself into her studies with an ardor to rival Hermione Granger's. And the school was an escape from her father's sharp looks and disapproving tone, though she did receive the occasional Howler from him. If she was going to make him proud anywhere, this was the place, and more than anything, that was what Lux strove to do.

The journey to Hogwarts only became less than heavenly when she entered her fourth year. Over that summer, her father had married a young woman by the name of Talya, whom Lux grew extremely attached to. The two of them were the best of friends, and Lux hated to leave Talya to the mercy of her father, doing everything she could to help. The two sent each other thousands of owls, sometimes more than one a day, and her Lissy was always on Lux's mind.

When Lissy had been killed, Lux had no idea what to do. Her grades slipped, her appetite waned, and her only tiny solace was that her father had been killed as well. The pressure was off, though the disappointment at never having pleased him was beyond painful. Nothing compared to the loss of Lissy, though, and even when Rafferty had found Lux again, his presence could do little to increase her misery. She was grateful to return to Hogwarts and get away from him. Not only was he cruel to her, but being around him reminded her so much of Lissy. Then again, so did Hogwarts. Who would she send owls to now? It seemed that no matter where she went, the heartbreaking memories followed.

Lux drifted through most of the ceremony without paying much attention. She was lost in her thoughts, vaguely aware of the aroma of food, and that her stomach was growling. The other Ravenclaws had given up on speaking to her some time ago. She wasn't a mean person, but she had never gone out of her way to be nice to any of them. If she couldn't have Lissy, she would just rather be alone, she thought bitterly, nibbling uninterestedly on a chunk of warm bread. She never even looked up from her mostly-empty plate.

[LANA LOSCE]

Those around her attempted conversation, but Bo…Talya…Lana could hardly make herself pay attention. She was no social butterfly. All her life she had hardly been around people but for the occasional dinner party Rafferty enjoyed hosting. He wanted the perfect hostess wife, but she must have failed him there. At least she was pretty, he often told her. It made her wish she was ugly. Already she had tried to make herself homely. Not bothering to fix her hair, all of that time in a dungeon had left her incredibly pale, baggy clothes, and such a sullen look upon her face no one could be charmed. Yet Vaughn still ogled her, as well as some others, so she would have to contemplate more glamours. It would have to be slow, as many people had seen her as this already, but over time she could make herself appear more unsightly. Maybe enough to disappear into the shadows, unnoticed by everyone.

Hogwarts was not going to be a pleasant place. But it would be safe. As she was in the last year, it would not last long, but it was better than nothing. Aoife would be looking for alternative residences in the meantime. If they were lucky, the Dark Lord would be vanquished before she graduated.

As hungry as she was, she felt no compulsion to eat. Only when her stomach grumbled did she reluctantly pick up her spoon, shoving peas into her mouth. Hazel eyes looked at various places in the room unseeingly as she lost herself in thoughts. Halfway through dinner she blinked, bringing herself back into the present. Shaking her head, she made to turn to Vaughn, but found herself turning back to the table of Ravendancers or something of the sort. There was a familiar head of blond hair…but could it be? No. It couldn’t be Lux.

Ask the boy, her mind supplied, nudging her in Vaughn’s direction, but she refused, feeling a great weight upon her heart. It wasn’t Lux. She and Rafferty had been killed when the Death Eaters attacked. She knew they were gone. Determinedly she stared down at her plate, refusing to look anywhere else as the memory of that night replayed her mind. The terror, the pain, the sorrow upon realizing her best friend in the world was gone, even more prominent than that glee that her dastardly husband was killed, as well. Emotions shook her to the core, so she grabbed her cup with a shaky hand, composing herself by drinking the cold pumpkin juice. She had always hated the taste, but that hardly mattered now.

[LUX LOSCE]

The feast was fit for a king. It always was, and everything was always delicious. Courses upon courses appeared on dinner plates that were always replenished before they were even half-empty. Meats, potatoes and other vegetables, fruits, sauces, and endless bread made sure no one left any less than stuffed. And then there would be the dessert: cobblers, pies, cakes, cookies, puddings, anything you could ever want. And through it all there would be the festive taste of pumpkin juice, pumpkin juice, and pumpkin juice. And Lux was hardly touching any of it.

It wasn't that she didn't like the food, but she had no appetite. She was skinny, to the point where it would soon become unattractive, but she just couldn't bring herself to eat. Food made her feel nauseous, her stomach begging her to stop after only a few bites. She'd have to make do with a few biscuits and gravy, something light to keep herself alive without torturing herself. She didn't crave a single food, except perhaps maybe a glass of warm pumpkin juice with cinnamon. She could curl up by the fire in the common room once everyone else had retired, drink her pumpkin juice, and maybe allow herself to cry a little. Lux hated crying in front of other people, especially her father, but she could only keep things bottled up for so long.

Lux decided that that was exactly what she would do tonight, a resolution that provided some form of grim relief. She pushed a few dumplings around on her plate, getting them into her glazed carrots before popping a single carrot into her mouth. She chewed slowly, concentrating a bit to suppress that gag reflex, before she realized she was staring.

At the Slytherin table, not too far away, something woke her up. Lux blinked her eyes, far more glazed than the carrots, searching for what could have brought her out of her stupor. She passed her gaze over the students at the table, nearly choking on the carrot when her eyes caught a lock of dark hair. The face of the student was obscured by another student's head, but the way the person moved seemed achingly familiar. Just the body language, hair color, height...

Lux jerked her eyes back down to her plate, painfully aware that her heart was beating rapidly. It wasn't Talya, she knew. Her Lissy was dead. It was just someone who looked like her enough to remind Lux even more of her best friend... Was she not miserable enough, without having to share a dining hall with someone who could look so similar to Talya? Lux shook her head and pushed her plate away, knowing the next bite she took would send her to the bathroom, now. The girl probably didn't look much like Talya at all to anyone else. Just someone of a similar height with dark hair, but enough to make Lux's aching heart jump every time she saw her at a distance, for the rest of the school year. Fantastic.

Lux glared at the table in front of her, hating the girl at the Slytherin table. She took the anger rising in her and held on with all her might, or there would be no way she'd make it to tonight before the tears came.

[LANA LOSCE]

Look again, urged her mind irritably, but Lana was terrified to. She was foolish. Lux was dead. There was no use concerning herself over it. Picking up her spoon felt like such work, but she forced another group of peas into her mouth. Chewing felt tedious, more difficult than it should have been, and it took a few minutes before she was able to swallow. Her stomach was all twisted in knots now. It was hard to tell if she was still hungry or sick or whatever else it could be. She was vaguely aware of people talking about her. If her mind would cooperate she would focus on them more. As much as she disliked pointless gossip and things, it was better than focusing on her darker thoughts and memories.

After fifteen minutes of desperate internal debates, she managed to glance up quickly where the blond girl was. It was so hard to see her from this distance. Lana glowered at her plate in frustration. This fucking school was playing tricks on her mind. Blond hair was common. Maybe all blond girls would look like Lux to her.

“Svetlana…” Vaughn began.

”Lana,” she corrected for the tenth time that day. Merlin, how she detested her names. All of them. She always had preferred the shorter, simple nicknames derived from them. She didn’t feel like an Antalya or a Svetlana or a Vasilisa. Talya and Lana (she refused to think of Lissy) were preferable.

“Right, sorry,” he said, but she stood up before he could continue. She had enough of all of this. Wrists trembling, she stood awkwardly behind her chair for a moment, face heating up under the scrutiny of her housemates before finally turning and fleeing out of the hall. Once out of the doors, though, she stopped. This was silly! Wringing her hands, she stepped forward, peaking back into the Great Hall. It was harder to see the blond from here. Frowning, Lana pressed her back into the wall. Would it be so bad to wait for her to walk by? Just to appease her worried mind. So silly. She shouldn’t have to prove it wasn’t Lux because all the proof she needed was knowing that her friend was gone for good. Doing this to herself was not helping. Allowing this would do more harm than good. Yet she remained, telling herself she would only wait a few minutes before finding her way back to the Slytherin dungeons.

[LUX LOSCE]

Lux swallowed hard, pressing her brow into her fingers. The food on her plate seemed to be moving, and she felt hot, even to her own touch. It wasn't so farfetched to think that she had actually fallen ill so suddenly. She wasn't healthy, and her body wasn't getting the fuel it needed to keep her immune system up. It hadn't been for too long, and the logical part of Lux knew her body would shut down before long. Then she wouldn't be able to study, and get good grades, and please her father. But she just couldn't eat another bite... she could cry with frustration. Was it her fault that her best friend had been ripped away, causing her own body to rebel against her?

Lux took a deep, shaky breath, swallowing again against the taste of bile and looking away from the sickening food. One of her classmates asked if she was all right, but Lux didn't hear them. Perspiration beaded on her forehead, and she felt almost dizzy. She couldn't look at any food right now, so she looked up, intent on focusing on her breathing.

Her breath caught in her throat, eyes wide, when she realized the girl who was the cause of all this was standing up now. Lux barely got a glimpse of her face before she whirled and quickly made her way out of the hall. Lux stretched her neck as high as she could to watch her over the heads of the other students, her momentary illness all but forgotten.

The door closed behind the girl, and Lux's eyes remained on it for a second before she looked back to her own table. She was alert now, the wheels turning furiously in her head, eyes flicking every which way while she tried to decide what to do. Her bladder twinged, only slightly, her body finally deciding to team up with her. She could go to the bathroom, glance at the girl, convince herself once and for all that it wasn't Talya, and get on with her depressing evening. It would drive her insane until she saw with her own eyes, anyway, wouldn't it? Besides, wasn't tonight supposed to be all about harmful self-indulgence?

Lux pushed back from her chair, flinging her napkin from her lap and hurrying toward the big doors that the girl had disappeared through. She thought about hesitating, but didn't allow herself to do so, knowing she would never do this if she didn't just keep going.

No matter how her heart was beating in the back of her throat when her clammy hands opened those doors.

[LANA LOSCE]

Lana fidgeted nervously where she stood, mentally berating herself for this stupidity. At least she was away from people, though she would have been better off hiding in the library or the lavatories or her dorm. The minute people began to leave they would walk out of those doors and shoot her more of their judgmental stares. The ones she had been ready to escape all day. Just a few minutes, she repeated, glancing from the door to her watch every few seconds.

The hall felt very cold and lonely, especially with the loud, festive talking and laughter emitting from the other side of the stone wall. She didn’t mind the feeling so much. She had felt it much of her life.

After another minute she pressed her hands into the side of her face, sighing heavily, then pushing her hands up to comb through her dark brown hair. Turning to peak through the door once more, she was surprised when a girl walked through it. The blond girl!

”Excuse me!” she said quickly, reaching out to grab the girl’s arm. Thinking on her feet, she had a new question on her lips. Where could she find the nearest lavatory? It was a safe enough question to give reason for stopping the girl in such a manner. She was new, so the blond would surely understand her being lost. The question was lost in her throat as she really looked at her, though.

Lux?!

It couldn’t be, surely. Only someone who had this uncanny resemblance to her lost friend. Her mouth opened, but no sound escaped. There were many questions. Most importantly making absolutely certain this was her beloved friend. Then inquiring as to how she had survived the attack. Only a few pathetic noises escaped her throat, and with no warning whatsoever threw her arms around the girl, hugging her tightly, feeling as though her heart might explode any moment. This was Lux. It had to be. Nothing, not even denial from the girl’s lips would have convinced her otherwise.

Hazel eyes burned, so she closed them, burying her face in silky blond hair and a warm neck, tightening her grip further on the too skinny girl. There was so much to say. Just hugging her was silly enough as it was with no sort of greeting or words exchanged, but found she could do nothing more at the moment. She had lost too much time with her best friend, had spent too long mourning her under the assumption of her death, and would spend all the time she could afford basking in the proof that she was very much alive.

[LUX LOSCE]

She was just going to walk right past, glance out of the corner of her eye, and be done with it. Lux was positive the mysterious dark-haired girl would have brown eyes, or a beaky nose, or a square jaw, or something to differentiate her from Talya. It would be some facial feature that wouldn't matter at all if Lux looked at her from behind, and she was grimly sure that her heart would still leap every time she was behind this person in the hallways. But it wouldn't be Talya, it would be some normal girl who was a horrible phenomenon in Lux's eyes, as though someone had taken Talya's appearance and replaced a single feature, twisting her perfect face into a monster's.

Lux swallowed hard and jerked the doors open, walking stiffly by the figure she could see in her peripheral vision. She would glance only for a split second, and get a better look when she was down the hall a couple of feet. That plan was shattered, though, when the girl leaped forward and caught her arm.

That voice.

Lux was face to face with her, the girl who wasn't Talya, who couldn't be her Lissy, Lissy was dead, Lissy was standing right in front of her...

Their eyes met for only a moment, which somehow was less than a second and longer than forever. The dark-haired girl threw herself at Lux, who caught her dazedly. The arms that were hugging her so tight were the only thing keeping her from shaking.

"Oh my God," she breathed, tightening her own grip on the girl and hugging her back fiercely. "Oh my God," she repeated, her eyes slipping closed and her body relaxing completely against the body of her best friend. There was no longer any doubt in her mind or in her voice. Death had been turned backwards, and how or why didn't matter, because she had found her Lissy once again.

Lux's breath hitched slightly, forcing back a sob of relief and gratitude as she held her friend tighter, sighing at the feel of the warm breath on her neck and in her hair. Lux pressed her nose into Talya's shoulder, breathing her in deeply, unable to help the grin that spread widely over her face as Lissy's scent washed over her. She held her impossibly closer, her fingers locked behind Talya's back. Lux would never, ever let her go again.

[LANA LOSCE]

There was no way this wasn’t Lux. Not only did she look like her, but she felt like her, smelled like her, even sounded like her. All doubts fled her mind for good, taking comfort in the blond in her arms. Lux Losce was here! But how and why, she wasn’t sure, her voice not wanting to cooperate to demand answers. How important was knowing, anyway, when faced with the fact that her best friend was here? How could anything else matter?

Time seemed to drag on forever, something Talya was more than fine with. This girl had been her savior at such a young age, faced with the terror of an older husband who would want her to bear him children immediately? One who married her for her looks, who would doubtlessly make more use of her body than she was comfortable with. She had been her best friend when she had been so lonely for so long. Sana had been her only company during childhood, and even then they never truly shared the connection she did with Lux.

In the background she was aware of the booming voice of the headmaster, but paid little attention to it as her mind and body began to work correctly again. “I thought you were dead!” she rasped, holding her tighter. The memories came swarming back. The Death Eaters…curses being shot all over the beautiful manor…bruising grip of one on her arm…dragging her away as Lux and Rafferty were attacked…later having her worst fears confirmed by an all too smug Dark Lord. Lux was gone. Lux and Rafferty were gone, as if she gave a damn about her vile husband. ”I thought you were dead! I saw them…They told me…I couldn’t…I can’t…Merlin! Oh, Lux…”

Before she could go on, the doors opened and loud prefects began to shout over the chattering student body, leading them in various directions. Panic seized her. Lux was not in her house. She couldn’t leave her now! What if she never saw her again?

“Svetlana! I mean, Lana! There you are…I wondered…” said Vaughn’s voice as he fought through the crowd towards her.

[LUX LOSCE]

Lux looked up at the high ceiling, blinking back wetness in her eyes and sighing in grateful relief. Her fingers sifted through Talya's hair, savoring its softness and unable to get enough of her. Lux wanted to feel her touch and smell her scent and hear her voice forever, because there was no other way she'd ever believe that her Lissy was back from the dead.

Lux had put everything on the line to help this girl, even her own biggest desire - making her father proud. She'd spent so many nights with Talya in the study and in the lab, the other girl keeping watch while Lux tried unsuccessfully to brew potion after potion. The night would always end with her brewing yet another potion to make her father sleep, and it took months before they were finally successful with the impotence potion. But it wasn't all bad. Lux and Talya got to know each other more deeply during those nights than probably anyone else in their whole lives. Talya was quite literally the first person to look at Lux without pity or disappointment in her eyes, and to Lux, that meant everything.

She later realized that she had never truly felt terror, or loss, until the night the Death Eaters attacked. Her father was shouting and throwing curses, dodging others, while Lux hid behind an overturned table, praying she wouldn't be noticed. And the screams... oh, she could hear Talya screaming for her, begging her for help, and Lux could see her being dragged away. She threw a couple of her most advanced curses, but she was no match for the Death Eaters. She fled to the potions lab, searching desperately for a concoction she'd created some time ago, just to see if she could. She'd gotten the idea from the story of Romeo and Juliet, a potion that would, in nearly every effect, kill her, and wear off in a few days. She took it and fled down a hidden passageway in the study, purposely leaving the door open so the Death Eaters would discover her body.

Until this moment, Lux had felt as though she actually had died that day. Talya had thought so too, she said, and Lux hadn't really considered that. She'd been so sure that Talya was dead, she hadn't thought that if her friend had somehow survived, her little scheme would have fooled more than just the Death Eaters. She couldn't help but giggle, just feeling so happy to have her best friend back alive.

"Lissy..." she started, pulling back just enough to get another look at her, fondly tucking a stray lock of hair behind her best friend's ear.

Lux was nowhere near ready to let Talya go when the doors opened, letting hundreds of students pour into the hallway. They jostled the two girls, bumping into them and pushing and trying to get past. Prefects were shouting, and one of them seemed to be making his way toward Talya, calling out for "Lana." Of course. She couldn't go by a former name. Lux shook her head, grinning a bit. Lissy and her aliases.

"Lux! Come on, we have to help the first years find the Ravenclaw dorm! Aren't you supposed to be setting an example?" came the annoyingly shrill voice of Uma Blackthorn. Lux rolled her eyes. Uma was Head Girl this year, and she was not about to let anyone forget it.

"Stay in the common room after everyone goes to bed," Lux told Talya - Lana - hurriedly as one of the idiot prefects took her arm to lead her away. "I'll find you!" she called, twisting and craning her neck to keep Lana in her sight until the Slytherins and Ravenclaws parted ways.